I wanted to share with everyone how life has been in the Miller house, the good, the bad, and the ugly...:) Many times I have opened up my computer in attempt to write a blog or an update in the last few months, and I felt like I didn't even know where to start. We know that being a child of God is not easy right? frankly being a human being is not easy, this world feels like sometimes it is out to get us, and it is! Satan is roaming the earth, ready and willing to discourage us, to knock us down, and his whole point is to get us further away from our Savior, to have us believe that it's not going to get better, to believe that we are broken, and there is no future or hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
I know that being a missionary isn't easy, but we are learning day by day what it means to be completely surrendered to His will... completely dependent on Him. When we were getting ourselves ready for Peru, trying to prepare our hearts, we knew it would be tough. We just had no idea we would get hit that hard. I can definitely say we were not prepared for it, we were hit with altitude sickness, colds, flu, Ella's gastrointestinal issues, and my pregnancy SPD, all of that on top of moving our whole life to a foreign country. It was one blow after the next, just when we felt like, "man we are finally getting over it, we can go to church..." then whammo, this may not seem that difficult but it was, we were isolated in our house for alot of the time just trying to maintain all of us being sick. I don't want to sound like I'm sitting here complaining, but I want you to understand where we are coming from.
Making the decision to come home for medical purposes wasn't easy either, we felt like failures, our thoughts were, 'Lord nothing is hidden from you, you knew this was gonna happen, what gives? Why do we have to go through this.' At the same time we were grateful for His amazing provision through His people to get us home to deliver baby safely, and get Ella the help she desperately needed.
Still with me? Good, so since we have been home, January, February, and March have been filled with more crazy sickness. Since we have been home, we had a round of head colds that made it's way through the whole family once, and then again... just when we thought whew, that was crazy, glad it's over, a third virus came.. oh fun. It made its way through the Miller crew, and then stomach flu hit! Yes, I am serious, OK hello barfing city, I am ready to get off your crazy train.. In the midst of Barf fest 2013, I go to bed one night and my heart starts beating like crazy, long story short a normal heart beat is 60-100 for an adult, mine topped out at 230, paramedics rushed me to the ER, it finally went back to a manageable state, I was monitored, told that this freaky thing happens sometimes and they cant explain it, but to follow up with my doctor and a cardiologist. We followed up, they said if it happens again, I will need to be followed by the cardiologist. Meanwhile on the way back to the ranch from the hospital, BJ follows suit and joins the citizens of barf city. We pulled over on the side of the road for that one, thankfully he made it. Meanwhile Colton's cold that we had been fighting for weeks turns into gnarly whooping cough, Ella regresses and reverts back into constipation which we have been battling the last two years. Brodin wakes up after having shook the sickness for a week to gasping for air last night, which takes us back to the ER, via ambulance, a shot of epinephrine, and some steroids, and some 5 hours later we finally get home and in bed by 5:45, to have the rest of our kids wake up at 6:30.
OK so that was the bad and the ugly... we are through it, and if you are still reading it's a miracle, ha ha.
Can we now focus on the good? Please I would love to now focus on all the amazing things that have happened since we have been back in the states, I will be quick... don't laugh.. your right, I probably will be entirely too lengthy, I hope you will read anyway.
We got to spend the holidays with our family, which was phenomenal, I know this wont always ring true being on the mission field, something I am trying to prepare my heart for still. We were super blessed at Christmas by our women's ministry group, really the whole church...and are ever so thankful for their generosity, and faithfulness to us and to the Lord. We have seen God's love in action since we have been home in many ways, we had a random man at Walmart pay for all of our valentines day crafts for our kiddos, this sweet older man told us that God told him to come over and pay for our things, and to remind us that God cares for even the little things. We were so blessed by it! We wanted to get a weekend away together and decided that we would take a trip, just the two of us, but it had to be within our small budget... The Lord blessed us again, and we were able two stay two nights at the Couer D'Alene Resort in Idaho, with $200 dollars in dining credit included for a ridiculously good price, and then we were upgraded to a lake view room, instead of a parking garage view. It was such a refreshing time spending the weekend being fully husband and wife, and remembering all the fun things we enjoy about each other... board games, we hadn't played board games with just each other in a long time! (BTW Courtney won all the time, and is the master of banana grams forever!) (haha!)
We were then given club seats with VIP parking to the Rock and Worship Road Show, which seriously encouraged us, and gave us a good refocusing. I don't know how long it's been since I was fully able to worship for hours...refreshing to the soul for both of us. I don't know if each of the givers of those tickets will ever realize it, but we needed that, so desperately.
The best news is our sweet Ella, we did a lower GI scan and she tested negative for any major complications, just one issue.
You ready to praise God? Ok I am too... we found the problem, and we have a solution! Without going into too much poop talk, she has a stretched out rectum, and it extended the whole width of her pelvis. The rectum isn't supposed to do that, but hers kept getting bigger and bigger and more filled with stool, it was a vicious cycle of trying to get her emptied out, to no avail. We were told that we had to make her stool soft enough for her rectum to go back to normal size, and then it would start working for her again to push out her stool. We have regressed a day or two here and there, but guess what folks, we have a big girl on our hands! She desires to potty, she refuses diapers, and wants to go in the toilet. I know many moms will understand this, but have you ever had your child have a small victory and totally bawled? I have many many times, but this one was because she pooped in the toilet. Yep bawled like a baby, and thanked our sweet Jesus. This means her body is working for her again, even if it's a teeny amount, she is able to push stool out, something she hasn't been able to do without crying for two years!!! Not exaggerating, every stool, every time, tears.
Here is where the goodness lies... Even if the storm never dies, even if the tears never dry, God is good people. Every day, all the time, He is good! His mercy, His grace, His love, it's there for the taking. I would love it if you read all of Psalm 18 right now, as I laid in my bed this morning after getting home from the hospital, I cried... I was so overwhelmed, so broken... I opened my bible and started reading His sweet words to me... Psalm 18 came alive, and I heard my Fathers precious promises come through..
So recently my hubby and I have been watching this show called surviving the wild: Venezuela on netflix, basically they dump like 10 people into the wilderness in Venezuela and tell them to make it out alive. There is no prize at the end, no money involved, they aren't voting each other off, they simply just have to make it to the end, whether that takes them two weeks, or three months. There only escape was to push their beacon button and in a few minutes they would be rescued by helicopter, and their time and experience would be over.
As I was watching this show I saw them get to some of the harder points of their journey, they were descending down 4000 ft cliffs, hacking their machete's through the thick jungle, eating practically nothing, at points they were starving, blacking out because their bodies were depleted of any food for days, they were living off grubs, and termites at best. I saw them cry out in desperation and say things like," I can't do this anymore, I have nothing left, or I've reached my bottom, I cannot continue."
I saw them hacking away at another thick jungle area for hours and hours, and just when they couldn't handle anymore, it opened up into this savannah, and they felt the fog lift, their spirits brightened, they could see for miles, they felt delivered of the torturous jungle.
This morning after I read Psalm 18 I recalled their hardships on the show, and my own in this life, and wham. God spoke. So many times we go through thick, gnarly jungles, filled with things that can drive fear into our hearts, we start walking through them, and instantly we fear, we start questioning. What's gonna jump out at me? Whats through this next thick brush? How long am I gonna have to go through this? Why do I have to do this? Should I just push my beacon button and be done with all this craziness? Just like these guys were armed with machete's whacking through the thick junk, so are we armed with the very comforting words of God as our weapon. PEOPLE WE ARE NOT FIGHTING THIS BATTLE BY OURSELVES, THE GOD OF ANGEL ARMIES IS BY OUR SIDE, HE EVEN GOES BEFORE US TO CLEAR THE PATH! These are NOT just words in a book, these are the words of an almighty God, who has power.... HE HAS POWER! There is power in the name of Jesus, and in God's promises.
Ps18:16-19 He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from strong enemy, from those who hated me, For they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, BUT THE LORD WAS MY SUPPORT. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me.
So you may be hacking through a jungle all your own, and chances are if your not, you will soon, He doesn't promise that it will end soon, you may be hacking through the gnarly jungles for weeks, months, or years, maybe decades, it could be a lifetime, but at some point your gonna get through it to the savannah, that might be here on earth, or it might be when you get to glory. He will follow through, He will deliver you, He is mighty to save.
Ps18:1-3 I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies.
As I prayed this morning my prayer was, " Lord I don't want to ask when this will all be over, or when I will get through this jungle, instead Lord, help me to see what you have in this , help me to look around, to see the beauty in the midst of the jungle, help me to hear your voice as you guide me through it, I know you have delivered me before, and you will deliver me again..Thank you that even in the hardest times, I can hold on to the the truth that YOU set me free, and that the battle has already been won."
Folks He didn't promise this life would be easy, He did promise that He is coming back again, and that we are to be a ready people, get ready for the promised land, get ready to break into that savannah, when you have hacked through jungle after jungle in the end you will survive, eternally with Him if you know Him. Get to know this friend of mine, the best decision you will ever make, He gives hope when all else is hopeless.
Thank you for quietly supporting us, for outwardly supporting us, for financially blessing us, for loving on us, for praying for us.. for rising when He calls you to pray for us in the middle of the night when you hear His voice, for sending messages to us in every form letting us know you are standing with us.
We are excited to be on the road, wherever it may lead, we will praise Him, we are stoked to be here hopefully getting healthier, and are looking forward to serving back in Peru after this sweet girl is born in June.
Lord bless you,
Courtney and BJ too
Here are some photos of us over the last few months.
These are my precious gifts, the best hubby a girl could ever have,
He has truly served me, just as Christ would, while I have been down
and I am humbled to be married to such an awesome man.
Also the four coolest kids I know.
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